Part of me thinks that if one is having a tough time making a choice or a decision, the true, right answer has yet to be revealed. Yet I also recognize that sometimes a choice must be made that entails not only compromise, but sacrifice. Questions then begin to roll out in an almost suffocating avalanche: “When does sacrifice become martyrdom? How do I maintain my sense of self and protect my own well-being, when a great need must be met? Is the situation meant for me to become wholly unselfish, or do I need to be reminded that stifling my soul is not the way to love or help another?”
For I have been in situations wherein I did put my psyche to impassable tests, all in the name of “love.” By the grace of God and the divine’s willingness to lend me strength, I fought my way back from that fray of fear and self-loathing. Yet now circumstances have rolled around that demand great insight, patience, and the kind of love that may be hard to offer without resentment: I must discern how to proceed without throwing my heart and health to the wolves yet again.
In times such as these, I find myself chuckling silently and sardonically: Ah, just when I thought I had a clear spiritual path before me; always, that is the time when pebbled ground or thick underbrush appears. I strain and stumble to remain upright and on track; I remind myself of the beautiful and powerful lessons that have arisen out of challenges past. I settle myself enough to hear the Universe’s wise whispers: “Wait—Listen and Wait…”
The “next” chapter has already begun. I have moved from bemoaning the turning of the page, to reading carefully between the lines before me. When the plot needs to unfold, it will: And I will myself to Wait.